Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
