uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
