also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize