I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
