oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
