i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
