yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
