if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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