why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
