I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
