If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
