Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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