I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
