I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
