Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
