just tell him i said nine months
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize