my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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