He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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