Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
