tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
