where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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