it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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