You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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