after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
