Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you made out with another girl for some wings
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
