i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
