I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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