Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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