and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
