The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
