She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
