You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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