yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Less talking, more tequila
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
