that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
