if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
