I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
