I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
