you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
