i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
