yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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