I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
