Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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