Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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