I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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