my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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