You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize