Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
