Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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