Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
