I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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