found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Panties = found
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize