pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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