he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
