Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
