I think my vagina is haunted
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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