Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
