God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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