Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
