I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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