Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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