Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
