rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
