It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
