dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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