remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
