I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
